Painkiller (Lyrics)

Painkiller

I don't know how
I daren't think how
But something in between us
Seems wrong about now

I watch them play
Watch them celebrate
I know that you should be here
But you passed on that date

You haven't said "Hi"
You didn't say "Goodnight"
I think there's part of me missing
In another lonlely night

Oh look, "Kiss! Kiss!"
Don't remind me of this!
I took you off my desktop
To painkill this illness

(note - this is like a 'Part II" version of 9th May 1998)

9th May 1998 (Lyrics)

This is kind of a silly song... it was written on a very obvious date...

Download MP3: Web Sheldon - 9th May 1998

9th May 1998

9th of May 1998
And your cruel words have reached my ears again
So I'll choose my murder weapon
And I'll slowly count to 10

I love you (not), this room's so hot
I can't decide, the course if action I will take
So I'll get right in my kitchen
And bake you a poisonous raspberry cake

This pressure's pounding me into the swampy ground
I feel like there is no escape
So come around here with that sweet sweet neck
I'll string you up with sellotape

9th of May 1998
And I feel like I've been wronged by you
And why do I care so much
Cos I know that this is nothing new

Hmmm so I guess I shouldn't name names on here... But I was convinced I was in love with this guy for, well, I remember at the time I counted 30 months altogether... Ah the joys of being a teenager in love... Obviously there's a book load of other songs and history to it. I remember at the time, I hadn't told anyone I was gay so I used to refer to this guy in my diary as Lysida (each letter stood for something but that would give it away and I'm being discrete here...!)

A few years later, I was in a relationship and I had a similar feeling to above, so I re-wrote it with a slightly different melody and different lyrics... the new version is really sad though when I think back - it was called Painkiller... I should deffo record that actually!

Ableton has a Strop

Something went wrong with Ableton Live this weekend... (that's the programme I use to record...) Like any issue revolving around computers, it wasn't solved quickly... and there may have been a few choice words said in the process... The issue was that Abelton wasn't recognising my external sound card so after much fiddling around and searching internet forums, un-installs, re-installs, I finally got it working. But by that point, I certainly wasn't feeling creative anymore - I felt like I'd just got back from work!

That's the thing with recording on computers, the're amazing what they can do, but they can completely kill the creative mood if something goes wrong with them... It's not like simply pressing play on an 8 track... But having used both, I'd use a computer every time! I love the way you can play around with stuff, manipulate it, add effects, sample things...it's amazing...

On Sunday I recorded an old song called "9th May 1998", I wrote it on that date too (all those years ago lol) It's only a short one and it's a bit silly - it's talking about a guy I like and how he's fucking me around, so I'm imagining all the different ways I could kill him...

Anyway...!

It feels good to be recording. Re-living old experiences and songs, and writing new songs again...

I hope I never lose inspiration to write, it's weird cos it really helps me deal with stuff. And when I feel down about something, I can look back to old songs and think "Hmmm this current situation looks awfully similar to what happened in the past, and I'm still alive!!" I guess it's like when you tell someone a problem and they say they've experienced sometihng similar too, it makes you feel better because you don't feel so alone or isolated. But when you're listening to a song yo've written and you're kinda telling yourself you've been through it before, it's like a way of saying "Yep! Been there, done that. You'll be fine. Keep smiling. You'll come out of the other side, just keep putting one foot in front of the other."